We’re quick to show compassion to others, but what about ourselves? Why is it so easy to extend kindness and understanding to the people we love, but when it comes to ourselves, we’re ready to tear ourselves down at the first sign of imperfection?
In a world that constantly tells us to do more, be more, and show up perfectly every time, it’s no wonder we struggle with self-compassion.
We’re told to hustle, to push through pain, to keep going no matter what. We’re praised for being resilient, strong, and always on top of things. But there is no benefit to burning out, and there’s no growth in constant self-criticism.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is the art of being gentle with yourself. It’s the ability to look at yourself, flaws and all, and say: “I see you. I understand you. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough.” It’s about accepting the parts of you that are messy, broken, and imperfect… and loving those parts instead of hiding them or hating them.
We often expect perfection from ourselves. We set impossibly high standards and beat ourselves up when we fall short. But what if we stopped demanding perfection and started offering ourselves the same understanding, the same kindness, that we give to others?
What if we started treating ourselves like we would treat a dear friend or one of our children who was struggling?
The Hard Truth About How We Treat Ourselves
We’re all guilty of it. We hold ourselves to standards that we would never expect from anyone else. When we fail, we don’t offer ourselves a shoulder to cry on or words of encouragement. Instead, we pile on the guilt, the shame, the self-doubt. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to a friend. We tear ourselves down, believing that it’s the only way to motivate ourselves.
But it’s not. You don’t need to hate yourself for growth. You don’t need to punish yourself to be better. Self-compassion is about being real with yourself. It’s about admitting that you’re human, that you’re going to mess up, and that’s okay. Growth happens in the mess, not in the flawless moments.
Safe Space to Grow
When we are kind to ourselves, when we forgive ourselves, that’s when real growth happens. We stop being stuck in cycles of shame and guilt. We stop chasing perfection, and instead, we begin to move towards our authentic selves… flawed, yes, but worthy of love and acceptance.
Self-compassion creates the emotional space we need to heal, to grow, and to move forward. It’s not about letting yourself off the hook for bad behaviour. It’s about acknowledging that you’re human, that you’re going to mess up, and that’s okay. Growth happens in the mess, not in the flawless moments.
Why Is It So Hard to Show Compassion to Ourselves?
For many of us, especially those with Afrikan heritage, the concept of self-care and self-compassion can feel foreign. We’re often taught to put others first, to be the strong one, the resilient one.
We’re expected to endure, to keep pushing forward even when it feels impossible. But what if we’ve got it all wrong? What if the key to our strength lies not in how much we can take, but in how we treat ourselves in our weakest moments?
For too long, we’ve been told that showing vulnerability is a weakness. That asking for help or being kind to ourselves is selfish. But those ideas are outdated and damaging. Self-compassion isn’t weakness -it’s self-preservation. It’s the fuel that allows us to keep going when things get tough.
Why I Use Mirror Work
One powerful technique I use in my one to one life coaching is Mirror Work. This practice involves standing in front of a mirror and speaking words of kindness and affirmation to yourself. It may feel awkward at first, but it’s incredibly powerful.
When you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you,” or “You are worthy,” you start to change the narrative in your mind. You start to replace the harsh, critical voices with ones of love and acceptance.
Conclusion
We give so much to others – our time, our energy, our love. But how often do we give that to ourselves?
If you’re ready to stop being your own worst critic and start being your biggest supporter, let’s talk. In my one to one life coaching, I’ll help you confront those harsh inner voices and replace them with compassion. We’ll work together to break the cycle of self-criticism and build a foundation of kindness and understanding.
Self-compassion is a practice, and like any practice, it takes time. But once you start, you’ll feel the shift. You’ll notice how much more energy you have for the things that matter. You’ll find that you can show up in the world with more confidence, more clarity, and more peace.
SisDr
Life and Leadership Coach Specialising in Cultural Sensitivity
Coach | Counsellor | Author | Speaker | Activist
For further information and support on cultivating self-compassion and finding the right coaching experience, connect with me here.